I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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