if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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