Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
