Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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