my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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