just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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