the condom got lost in my hair
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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