i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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