so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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