Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
