Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize