Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
