I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
