It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
