Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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