i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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