Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
