It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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