I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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