dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
