He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
