i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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