He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
