WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
