Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
