Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
