I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
