We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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