That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
