mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
