Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
