my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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