I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
