I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
