Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize