You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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