she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
