hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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