do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
