Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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