Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
