It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
