I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
zippers are such a cool invention
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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