So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
