the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
