i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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