WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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