life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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