Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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