I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
