It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
