we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
