Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
