this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
