Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
