this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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