Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
