I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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