i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
