Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
