Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
