We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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