Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
