we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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