My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
