It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
