that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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