can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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