i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
