every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
