I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
