I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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