I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
