You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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