Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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