im drinking this country out of the recession.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
